Delay

I am not an outwardly emotional person. Most of the time, I react to situations rationally, not really feeling through my emotions until some time after-the-fact.

The first time I’ve experienced a dramatic situation was when I was 15. I remembered hearing news of a tragedy and carried on my day until 2 hours later – I started crying when I picked up a paint brush to work on a giant painting for class. It seems this delayed emotional response hasn’t changed with age. After the dramatic episode last Thursday, I had non-stop nightmares that night. I spent the weekend painting hoping most of my emotions will come out but today, a song triggered a non-stop stream of tears.

I suppose this mechanic works to my advantage at times. The slight delay helps me deal with situations rationally before my heart takes over, stopping myself from performing acts of stupidity that I may regret later. On the other hand, it is a disadvantage because when a situation involves other party / parties, I may appear detached from the situation, which can lead to more hurt later.

The complexity of the human mind never cease to amaze me.

For those who are interested in the song, it’s Rachael Yamagata’s “Over and Over”, you can buy it here

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